Most Savage Surf Spot on the Planet

Surfing is great fun, anyone who has slipped into the sea with a board knows that. It is a spiritual experience, bringing you closer to nature.

But there is a darker side too, nature is savage and anyone who wants to ride the wild sea must pit themselves against brutal and harsh elements on a regular basis.

Now, I am writing this as a warning to those not in the know. You have all read about the precipitous drop in at the Mavericks, we all know about the vicious reef beneath the Pipeline’s azure hues and we have all seen recent footage from Jaws. But for some of us, in our own backyard, there is a break so dangerous, so hostile and so unpredictable that only the foolhardy would paddle out into its apparently benign break.
I am talking about the Hotpipes in Shoreham, UK.

Here nature’s forces are funnelled into a maelstrom which makes the slab at Teahupoo look like a longboarding grom’s wet dream. On the South Coast of sleepy Sussex gargantuan waves break over a reef of razor sharp coral and scrap metal. The prevailing onshore winds lash the surface into a frenzy or churning mush which means that the waves are not only unsurfable but any slight error is generally punished severely.

Moreover the break is patrolled ( I can not say surfed as these locals know the stupidity of entering the Shoreham waters ) by a gang of out of work welders with severe personality disorders. Not having the politeness of Sir Ken Bradshaw these types will bite a chunk from your board while it is still on the roof of your car. Needless to say car crime is rife in this area and it is a designated police ‘no go zone‘.

As if things could not conspire more to make this place a spot to bookmark under the heading : do not surf here; there is more. It has recently been discovered that Shoreham Port Authority has been laundering Russian Uranium at the Power Station and the Geiger Counters go off the scale down at ‘the Pipes’. This radiation in the water has led to severe mutations amongst the indigenous shark population.

So, please take it from me. Do not venture down to, perhaps, the nastiest break on the planet. This is really a place to avoid.

This article was originally submitted to Magic Seaweed, but they, strangely did not want to publish this denouément of such a break.


There has been much debate and interest of late in new advances in Telephone technology such as the introductsion of RFID payment modules into smartphones such as the iphone, WiPho and Android handsets. There has been a proliferation of app stores from the major players whilst we have even seen court action over the very name ‘app store’.

Nokia’s recent agreement with Widows mobile have shaken up the industry whilst further litigation over patents and copywrights abound amongst the major players.

Telephones now are expected to do so much, to accomplish the amazing and to slip into the pocket.

But I fear that we are losing touch whilst trying so hard to keep in touch – Telephones are an amazing creation, the word itself derives from the Greek meaning distant voice or distant sound and that is just what, in essence we should remember them as being – a device for talking to someone from far away.

The very best function of the telephone does not need releasing by an app installation, nor does it require a sophisiticated operating system. It is founded upon the early research of many people, most noticeably Alexander Graham Bell, who realised that the Telegraph/ Semaphore/ Fire Beacon means of transferring information from one place to another just ahd to go.

The early Telephones were simple deviced which plugged into the PSTN ( public switched telephone network ) and allowed people to manipulate a number input mechanism and connect to someone else on the PSTN. They worked.

Of course, with improvements in technology and manufacturing processes these home telephones have become slightly more sophisticated but, still it is important to get one of these in your hands. Look at the great selection of telephones and you can see that these are no multipurpose smart mini computers, they just are telephones. Indeed BT once said that – “it is good to talk” and it is. I gain far more human contact from the people I actually talk to than the flacid relationships which come about through social media on my mobile phone.

So, if you are looking in wonder at the new iPad, or trying to choose between phones based upon the screen resolution then remember that talking is great, speech and oratory are the highest level of evolution that we as himan beings have attained and picking up a real telephone which transmits vocal inflections and stammers and coughs is the only way we can really make social interactions at a distance.