Nokia maps have completely flummoxed me of late. I upgraded my Nokia N95 software as I had been promised a faster GPS connection as a result. I put up with the loss of my beloved Brian Lara Cricket game, but that is a waste of time anyway.

I rebooted and waited. On opening up Nokia maps I was saddened to see that the phone had no recollection of my previously lovingly installed maps from Smart2Go. I love zooming in on rethymno, Crete to see my old haunts. I tried reinstalling the maps using Smart2go Maploader ( a lugubrious application ) to no avail. I was becoming rather disillusioned by the software upgrade, losing my cricket and all that.

My next step was Orange who advised I called Nokia ( buck passers ). I did call Nokia, indeed I spent an hour on hold at various times of the day and night.

By chance and through a process of elimination I discovered that the old Smart2Go maps are no longer supported by the new Nokia Maps application, I downloaded the new Nokia Maps Loader and was soon zooming into my sat nav maps and even enjoying a markedly faster connection time to the satellites I believe are up there somewhere.

The unfortunate thing was that my original download of the Nokia Maps App had included a free 3 day trial of their navigational software ( with voice prompts) and it took me 4 days to solve the issues with me Nokia N95 above….they also seem to have removed the tracking facility on the new map software.. cheeky, like they are trying up revenues…

Voice over IP Communications specialists Best4IP have created a site with a view to bringing together a wealth of information on the subject of SIP telephony, VOIP telephony and their related features and implementation.

Best4IP is a natural progression of focus from a company which has specialised in providing cost effective and bespoke communications solutions for its clients for over 10 years.

Voice Over IP is rapidly becoming the industry standard when it comes to the installation of PABX ’s and larger switches.

Now, I work all day, in an office, like many people, sitting at my desk with a keyboard, mouse and monitor for company. I have a telephone also - a Toshiba System Phone with lots of buttons; I tend not to make many outgoing calls, usually it is our clients who call me with requests or support queries. I am lucky enough to have been supplied with the most wonderful headset ever invented - well so it appears to me. In my old job, one which required me to be both on the phone and accessing online databases simultaneously. I had to juggle handset and mouse, often adopting that ’semi-shrug’ which jams the phone to your neck painfully and precariously. My new telephone headset is a Plantronics CS60 Headset.

The headset is superb, it is powered by DECT Technology, meaning that it is connected to the phone on a 2.4Ghz signal which allows me to wander about the office whilst on a call, the manual boasts that it can achieve a 300m range in ideal conditions. That would be ideal as there is a nice public house just over the road from our office, but I have tried and the headset cuts out just as I cross the road.

So I sit at my desk and strap on the headset. If the office telephone rings I have a small beep in my ear and can press a button on the headset and the handset lifter picks up the handset in a smooth operation and the call is immediately transferred to the Plantronics headset. When the call is over I press the button again and the handset goes down and all is peaceful again.

The Plantronics CS60 Headset is lightweight ( I rarely notice its presence) and the battery life is great - it must have a talk time of several hours after an overnight charge as I have never had a problem and do, sometimes get forced into laborious conversations lasting all day it seems. The headset also has a built in acoustic shock protector which means that if a sharp load noise is transmitted to the earpiece it will cut out in order to save my eardrums - very thoughtful.

So as a person who is involved with customer support and client liaison all day in an office, on the telephone and at my PC I can heartily recommend the Plantronics CS60, it makes your whole desk and office environment more ergonomic and enjoyable. Plantronics Headsets are available on line at a retailer like Best4Headsets. Plantronics are the market leaders in headsets and even supplied headsets for the first trip to the moon.

I was idly browsing the web when I found an online Telephone retailer who specialise in Home Phones when I got to thinking about home phones and who actually uses them…

I have got a contract with Orange, the mobile phone provider, which costs me around £35 a month ( one of the animal contracts ) and I have 500 minutes of cross network minutes included - that is 6 hours and 20 minutes . No way I speak that much on the phone a month. As I am running with a general surplus of hundreds of minutes I never use my home phone, and noone ever calls me on it. My conversations are masculine to the max, the linguistic equivalent of bullet points. I arrange with my friends complex itineraries and discover how they and their extended families are getting on with health, education and employment in about 20 short syllables. When we are together, of course, our expressiveness takes on a more expansive manner.

In direct contrast to this ‘zipped up’ / compressed method of communication favoured by myself and, I believe, my sex; is the way in which our partners hover and flutter around the subject of a sentence like butterflies around a flower. They will not construct conversations, communications of a specific aim and action. For example :

Derek “lets go beach for a swim”
Clive “yep, see you there at 7, bring some tinnies”

this is the male version and you will see that they manage to convey logical and specific aims and actions with definitive lingustic devices

On the other hand :

Shirley “not very nice weather yesterday eh, Jane”
Jane “no Shirl,not very nice at all.”
Shirley “but it looks like its is better today, eh Jane?”
Jane “yes, sun is shining, weather is hot” - giggles
Shirley “must be beautiful down the beach right now”
Jane hhmm, how are the kids?”
Shirley “fine, did you get that new TV?”
Jane “yes, and I think it was down to the struggle in south america“Shirley “I was thinking that also, it explains his influences, artistically and philosophically”
Shirley “beach will be nice later this evening”
Jane “Lets meet down there later..”
…here I have removed 10 further lines of text in order to preserve your sanity and the formatting of this page
Jane “OK, see you there at 7, bring some tinnies”

The conversations above are real, I promise you, I swear to god.

What we, as linguists, and sentinent beings can derive from the conversations above is that if you want something done quickly, ask a man ( ask any woman and they will agree ), if you want something explored, chewed on, ruminated, gestated, regurgitated and finally decorated then get a woman to do it. In most cases the woman will produce a finer, more beautiful and longer lasting creation with the same ingredients as a man would; just they will take the scenic rather than the linguistically direct one.

Getting back to the main point of this diatribe, we only have a land line phone because of her, my sweet and beauteous partner, who likes to communicate with her friends, family and strangers whilst trying to get to the point. I could save a fortune if I ditched the landline telephone. I can get by on my 6 hours and 20 minutes a month handsomely. I should ring up NTL (Virgin Media I mean) and let them know that I don’t need a landline as all my calls are more than covered by my mobile tarrif. So I sit and think about it a while. I have a gorgeous DECT cordless home phone with answermachine, twin handsets, a SIM card reader, colour screens, polyphonic ringtones etc etc, but I dont need it. I am happy with my Nokia N95, all the calls are free, and I have GPS Satellite Navigation. ( I actually bought it for my partner but she laughed at having GPS when she can’t actually remember ever having been lost, and, indeed, don’t I claim to have a superb sense of direction??? )anyway , suffice it to say that I have carefully considered the pros and cons of losing the landline, even asking some of my friends and work colleagues what they think:
“yep why not”, “should save you a fortune”, “do it”, “ugh”

So I am convinced, my mind is made up. I will not give it a moment’s further consideration…

and then the home phone rings, it is my mum, she wants a chat, I leave the room and sit down in the kitchen and put the kettle on, the large handset sits comfortably in my hand, my feet creep up onto the table, aah this is nice………..